So Your City Has a Bag Ban: How to cope

I moved to Los Angeles from Portland, Oregon. I was no stranger to Southern California, and during my first grocery shopping trip I remembered one huge cultural difference between Portland and LA.

Bag culture. Now, I don’t drive, so bringing my own bags to the grocery store has long been a way of life. Paper or plastic bags just don’t cut it on the bus or in a bike basket. Reusable bags are comfortable to carry, sturdy and hold lots of stuff. But when I moved to LA, I found myself forgetting my bags now and then and coming home with a mountain of plastic. I’d buy three things and end up with four plastic bags. Two double bags for three items. “Put them all in one bag” I’d say with a smile and the baggers would cheerfully nod as they handed me three bags.

People wonder why bag bans are needed. I have seen stupid amounts of bags being used in grocery stores. People want paper bags inside plastic bags. People individually bag all of their groceries in produce bags, then ask for extra plastic bags for all their bagged items. It’s insanity, it’s wasteful and it’s completely unnecessary.

When the West Hollywood bag ban was enacted, I dealt with every reaction across the board. Lots of people were into it. Stores were required to charge 10 cents for a paper bag, so people would simply not get bags. We ended up cutting back on bags by half. That’s a huge change and a great one. And we didn’t lose any business like some naysayers thought.

So, if your city is enacting a bag ban, here’s what you need to do:

Purchase some quality bags. Your bags should be sturdy, with good, wide straps and a reasonable capacity. I’ve had people bring in those blue Ikea bags. Those are not a good idea. They’re too big. People end up putting an entire cart’s worth of groceries in them, and then what are you going to do? Lift the damn thing? Get bags that are no more than 8 gallons in volume. You don’t want bags that are too small. These are cute, but flimsy and don’t hold anything, either.

These, however are my favorite. They’re more expensive, to be sure, but they are really sturdy. The nice, wide straps have reinforced stitches, and they hold a ton of stuff. They also roll up into a little sausage you can stick in your purse, or in the glove compartment of your car. And you can wash them.

Most grocery stores are selling their own totes. The ones that are 99 cents are usually fine, but they’re not long lasting, and some that are made of plastic don’t wash very well. And when the fabric ones start to rip, decay is quick. If you’re looking for a canvas bag, examine all the stitching. If you see any exposed edges, pass on the canvas and look elsewhere. Those edges are going to come up and fray faster than you’d believe.

I’ve seen some bags that prop themselves up. As a cashier, I love those bags. They’re super easy to fill and they hold a lot. If you see them, invest in a couple. They’re great. Other specialty bags include thermal types. The thermal bag is a fantastic idea for a few reasons. It keeps all your cold things cold, which is good for LA and other hot areas. But it can also keep your hot food hot. If you go to get takeout, or are bringing some hot food to a party, pull out the thermal bag. They’re great for that.

It’s a good idea to try packing your own bags at the checkstand. Some grocery stores require that you do this (WinCo, Food 4 Less) and other grocery stores allow you to do it. If you’ve never bagged before, give it a go. Put all the heavy stuff in the bottom, like cans, bottles of wine, etc. If you’re not buying much, lay glass bottles down. If you’re packing a lot, leave them upright and put small things in between to keep them from clanking together. Boxes of cereal take up a lot of room. Put them on one side of the bag and pack a bunch of heavy stuff around them. Eggs, bread, chips and bananas go on top of the bag once it’s full. Put your bananas with the curve facing upwards so they don’t get bruised. If you do bag your own groceries, you’ll get an idea of how much you can reasonably fit inside the bag, as well as giving other customers the benefit of moving a bit faster in line.

Bag bans take some time to get used to, but they’re ultimately a good thing. It’s a good idea if you’re taken by surprise by a bag ban to communicate to your cashier exactly what kind of bagging situation you need. I’ve had people ask for refunds on their entire load of groceries because they didn’t want to pay for bags. I’ve had people lecture me on the bans as if I’m the one who enacted them. I’ve had people not care one way or the other and told me to just go ahead and charge them for as many bags as they need.

And for those of you who can’t live without single use plastic bags? I’d strongly suggest finding a work around.

“I use them for my recycling.” That’s great. Maybe invest in some recycling bins and learn how to wash them out.

“You guys still put out produce bags.” Yes we do. I don’t know why we do that. I’m sorry.

“I need them for my dog.” I hear we have some produce bags you can have.

Remember, it’s not your cashier’s fault that there’s a bag ban. In many other places you have to bring your own grocery bag, and it’s important to adapt with the times. While you’re transitioning remember that it takes ten weeks (on average) to develop a good habit, that it’s only 10 cents for a paper bag, and that your cashier only wants to make sure you get on your way in a good mood.

Don’t forget your bag!

On Art, Being an Artist and the finer things in life

I have always wanted to be an Artist. I have no visual art talent, and for all my talk of wanting to dance, I haven’t taken any classes in years. I imagine escaping into the realm of Art, of falling back on my Art, of Art being the only thing that keeps me sane.

I attempted, as a child, to Art. I had Ed Emberly’s books, and I drew parrots all over the damn place.  I also drew trains, in his characteristic, blocky style. I took ceramics in high school, and I attended an art camp, where I annoyed everyone I met and made terrible wire sculptures, including one my teacher threw out because she thought it was actual trash.

I like to crochet, but I’ve never been particularly creative with crochet. I follow patterns, and rarely make stuff up on my own. (Though I did do some crocheted sushi, which I then mailed to New Zealand as a Christmas gift for someone I’ve never met. I suppose that could be an art form all in itself.)

Recently, I’ve been looking into quilting. I have done the exact wrong thing though, the thing I do with every hobby. I do not investigate where to begin, preferring instead to investigate all the things you could do if you’re really hardworking and talented.

But I still imagine. I picture my hair blowing artfully around my face, paint spatters scattered on my artfully oversized shirt. I imagine standing in a studio, with a crazed look in my eye. People would whisper “she’s doing ART right now, leave her be.” I would make grand announcements at parties and people would look at my canvases and think “YES, I see now.” I would say things like “at least I have my Art. I don’t know where I’d be without my Art.” People would nod along, and understand how lost I’d be without Art.

Well, I can cook anyway, and last night I made a butter-basted rib eye steak to celebrate our one year anniversary of living in Los Angeles. So I may not have paint spatters, or bits of thread in my hair, or a charming personality, but at least I can make fantastically unhealthy food really well.

Some Kimchi Notes

Kimchi is pretty flexible and forgiving, so I made some quick changes the last time I made it.
I decided to thinly slice my green onions and nira, so that they were tiny little pieces instead of inch long chunks. I think I like the look of this better.
On the recommendation of a really nice Korean woman who works at my favorite restaurant, I took the sugar out and replaced it with half an Asian pear. This really worked well, giving the kimchi an extra dimension of flavor.
I also bought Korean fish sauce for the first time. If you take Thai and Korean fish sauces and do a side by side sniff test, you’ll notice a huge difference. I wrongly assumed they would be similar. I don’t know if my kimchi is better for it, but I’ve decided it’s more authentic, so I’ll stick with the Korean fish sauce from now on.
Don’t be afraid to try substitutions yourself. I think next time I make it, I’m going to put radish leaves and stems in with the cabbage when I salt it, based on one of my favorite ridiculous food movies, Le Grand Chef 2: Kimchi Battle. (It’s streaming on Netflix. Watch it.)

How to be a better grocery shopper

 

A long time ago, I read that a great way to figure out what ethnic groceries to buy was to follow a person of said ethnicity around the store and get the brands they buy. Sounds like a great idea. But after thinking about that for a minute, something occurred to me: What if they don’t know how to cook? This lead to wondering about how people learn to grocery shop in general. I work in a grocery store and I have been in the business of cooking, eating and selling food for about 11 years now.

Something very strange happens when people walk into the grocery store. They get out of their car, clearheaded and prepared, and step through the automatic doors and….why was I here again? The number one thing I hear from customers is “I just came in here for one thing.” These are people with overflowing baskets, with 300 dollar orders. These are folks who place their handbaskets in their shopping carts because they are too full. These are people without enough bags, and sometimes, not enough cash. Don’t make that mistake.

So, here are some things to figure out: If you have a budget, make a list. Once you’ve made your list, read it carefully and see if it all adds up. Let’s make an example list here with some annotations to clarify exactly what we’re going for at the market:

1. Whole Chicken (Buy a whole chicken, even if you’re not planning on roasting it. It’s far more economical to learn how to cut up a chicken than to buy chicken parts. Furthermore, spare chicken parts like spines and wingtips can be saved for stock. Stock is the ultimate in economy, so keep some heavy freezer bags around.)
2. Onions (Onions are cheap, plentiful and keep really well in a cool, dark place. They’re also great for developing knife skills. Onions are in just about everything, so it’s always safe to keep an onion or two in the house.)
3. Sweet Potatoes (Economical, good for you and versatile. So, let’s look at my list so far: Chicken, onions and sweet potatoes. What can I make with these three items? Well, I like roasting sweet potatoes, and I can roast the chicken legs along side. Add a salad and that’s Monday’s dinner taken care of. And Tuesday’s lunch if I make a little extra. Two meals done for the week. Moving on.)
4. Green Onions (Gosh, the green onions are cheap and they sure look good. What can I make with green onions though? Well, they’re nice grilled, so I’ll get a cheap and thin piece of meat to go with them. That should use up this bundle nicely. That’s Tuesday night taken care of.)
5. Pork Shoulder (Holy moly, that pork shoulder is on sale and nice looking too. It’s got the skin on it, so I will remove the skin and render out all the fat. Then I can freeze the fat into cubes and use it later for frying up things. And the pork can be cut into smaller portions and frozen for later.)
6. Rice (Makes a cheap meal alongside just about anything. Good for lunches and dinners.)
7. Cilantro (If you’re not one of those folks who can’t eat cilantro, this is a fantastic herb. It’s used in Central American and Asian cooking and can be used for a bunch of other things. At ethnic markets it’s usually laughably cheap, so you can get a lot of bang for your buck with cilantro. I’m already getting green onions, so I’ll use this bundle of Cilantro to make chimichurri for my cheap grilled meat. If I wanted to, I could get a few bundles and then trim the ends off of what I don’t use and store it in a glass of water to keep it fresh.)
8. Lettuce (Salads for the week. And BLTs sound good. We’ll have BLTs on Wednesday.)
9. Tomato (Essential for the T. Also good for salads. If I want to do sandwiches, I’ll get slicing tomatoes, and if I want to do anything else, I’ll buy cherry tomatoes.)
10. Bread for sandwiches (I specified sandwich bread here in order to keep me on track. If I want hamburger buns, I’ll write that down instead. If I want a baguette, that’s what I will put. If I just put bread, I end up with moldy bread by the end of the week. Now, as a side note, if you buy a baguette and you know full well you’re not going to eat the whole thing, leave your leftovers on the counter overnight and then pulverize the bread into crumbs. Use the crumbs later for casseroles or pasta sauces. Economical.)
11. Cheddar Cheese (I’m buying a loaf of bread, so I will get some cheese for grilled cheese later in the week. Oh, look, Thursday’s dinner done with.)
12. Thin, cheap steaks (They will go nicely with the grilled green onions.)

 

Now, of course this list is an example, and you want to create a list that meets your needs. Maybe you’re a vegetarian, in which case, you would make a drastically different list. But, what you should do at the market is carefully analyze how you’re going to use each ingredient you buy. It’s okay to deviate from the list a little if you know what your going to do with your deviations. If you find a vegetable that looks especially good, like for example, it’s mid-autumn and the butternut squash looks perfect and is on sale, buy it, but MAKE A PLAN. Figuring it out later is a sure way to watch your food spoil. If you pick up the squash and think “Oh, I have that cut up pork in the freezer, so I’ll thaw that out and braise it in a little chicken stock, then I can roast this squash alongside it…” then you have a plan. You have Friday night’s dinner done with.

I live in Los Angeles and am incredibly fortunate to have a variety of ethnic markets at my disposal. Shopping at these markets does provide a new set of challenges. If I’m at the Thai market, I stock up on items that I can’t get elsewhere, such as tiny cans of curry paste, egg tofu, little eggplants and that sort of thing. With only a few staples like that, I can make a curry for dinner midweek, knowing that I have the basics ready to go.

One thing you want to avoid doing when you’re starting out learning how to cook, is building an enormous pantry of staples. Yes, it’s way more economical to buy a 10 pound bag of flour, but if you never bake, it’s a waste of your money. Some staples are okay to buy in large amounts. Sea salt or Kosher Salt is great because it’s tasty and never goes bad. Go ahead and buy a few pounds. If you eat butter, buy a few pounds when it’s on sale and keep in in your freezer. I don’t make desserts at home because I no longer eat them, but some recipes call for sugar. So, I keep a one pound box of superfine sugar at home. It’s worth it to me to not buy large amounts because I rarely use it and I’d rather save room on my shelf for six different kinds of noodles.

Lastly, be aware of what’s in your fridge that you need to use before you leave for the store. If the eggplant in your crisper drawer is starting to look a little weak, maybe it’s a good idea to pick up the stuff to make ratatouille that night. (Pro tip: Ratatouille is “peasant food” because it’s cheap to make and tastes great the next day, especially at lunch when all your coworkers have frozen burritos.)

So remember: Make plans with everything you buy, and execute those plans throughout the week. If you do find yourself at the store for half and half, and you look down into your hands and you see all these groceries that just appeared in your hands, evaluate how important they are. Are you getting that box of cookies so you can pack them in your lunch? Or are you getting them because, gosh, they look good? If it’s the latter, put them back. Analyze everything in your basket. If you got tomatoes because it’s August and the tomatoes are damn near perfect, better start planning what to do with those. Don’t make the dual mistakes of buying way more than you planned to, and letting all that food go to waste.

100 things You, specifically, need to do before you die.

1. Take a poop outdoors. You can either feel the freedom of pooping outdoors, or just fish out one from the toilet and throw it out the window.
2. See: The back of a dumpster at 3 A.M.
3. Read Ulysses in its entirety and lord it over people for the rest of your life.
4. Drag an onion from the earth, shake off the dirt and eat it like an apple. Nothing else in the world is more refreshing.
5. Use a smaller tampon and then when you remove it, convince yourself that the upper half is still inside you and that you’re going to die.
6. Win: The lottery
7. Have a depressive episode. If you can drag someone else into it, all the more authentic.
8. Eat: undercooked meat and feel kind of grossed out.
9. Smack someone’s car with your purse. Yell something incoherent at them.
10. Go to the top of a really tall building and convince yourself you’re going to die.
11. Eat: At one of those natural cafes where everything is made from substitutes. Like, a quesadilla with a quinoa tortilla, spelt cheese and fried “Fauxonions.”
12. Handle chilies without gloves. Stick fingers in eyes.
13. Watch a Brendan Fraser movie and question existence.
14. Get in a staring contest with a wild animal.
15. Ask someone to scratch a part of your body you can’t reach. Moan when they hit the right spot.
16. Meet: Yahoo Serious.
17. Change your mind about wanting children after it’s too late.
18. Go to a movie by yourself and spend the majority of the film glancing nervously around you.
19. Try the Mary Poppins umbrella thing.
20. Get locked out of your house in your underthings.
21. See: A stranger’s entire ass.
22. Have a really sick baby, then have a second one for the sole purpose of donating body parts to the first.
23. Choke: on a grape.
24. Be a foreign person at an ethnic festival; clap hands stupidly.
25. Watch a 48 hour Antiques Roadshow marathon; begin appraising all of your friends.
26. Mispronounce a common word, publicly.
27. Go to the emergency room with a headache having convinced yourself that you’re going to die.
28. Correct someone’s spelling on Facebook.
29. Gain an addiction to drink and depression.
30. Go to Spain and order a burrito.
31. Play a board game with a child, defeat him and then mock him until he cries. Gloat.
32. Get: A retro disease, like The Crumples or The Squalls.
33. Buy a sex toy so large and imposing that you have to figure out a really good place to hide it when company shows up.
34. Make fun of debstep. Or whatever else it is the kids are listening to these days.
35. Offend someone on the internet and get called a troll.
36. See: The underside of your neighbor’s house.
37. Learn seven really trivial facts and impress people with them at parties.
38. Have something stolen from you at gunpoint.
39. Spend a summer picking apples. Have someone tell you that the apples aren’t ripe until the fall; get sued for ruining the farmer’s livelihood.
40. Ride in a hot air balloon, like in those ads for Delaware, cower in the bottom of the basket and convince yourself you’re going to die.
41. Have someone tell you that your feelings aren’t legitimate.
42. Spend an evening refreshing the same blogs you always read over and over again, then go to bed and remember that thing you had to do but didn’t have any time for earlier in the day and fail to connect the two events.
43. See: An open sewer
44. Really fuck up a recipe in a sort of mind-blowing way. Tell the story for years.
45. Convince your dad that Paula Deen is in fact, a racist.
46. Read: The nutrition facts on a can of soup you don’t plan on buying.
47. Get a pet and put clothes on it and then mock it.
48. Explain to people how things were better back then.
49. Get in an argument with a Rush fan. Preferably about Rush.
50. Enter a caption contest with the phrase “Who, me?” and then write “LOL” after it.
51. Get arrested for shoplifting something stupid like candy or a plastic paperweight.
52. Fail to understand modern art.
53. See: Your guidance counselor breaking down in a bar.
54. Confuse two famous people and get called a racist.
55. Awkwardly quote Monty Python, but make sure it’s obscure enough that even the nerds won’t get it.
56. See: Beautiful Boomswatch, Maryland.
57. Have someone respond to one of your jokes with “Oh, you’re being funny.”
58. Vomit in public.
59. Call the Doctor “Doctor Who” and get yelled at by a too-angry fan.
60. Eat: Something off the kitchen floor.
61. Fall down in a store and get super angry at the first person who tries to help you, then tell your friends that nobody bothered to help you. Realize what a jerk you were being weeks later and never mention the incident again. Think about it at inopportune moments, like right before orgasm.
62. See: The bus floor at floor level.
63. Reach menopause and be relieved.
64. Get really proud of a Microsoft Paint picture you drew and try to print it on a dot matrix printer because you’re at work and your boss won’t spring for an inkjet.
65. Namedrop a minor celebrity and roll your eyes and sigh when people ask who you’re talking about.
66. Take three months to make something you could just buy for thirty bucks down the street.
67. Invest heavily in a subculture, drop it entirely when it gets embarrassing.
68. Meet: That guy from Harvey Danger
69. Get one of those terrible DiGiorno pizzas and try to convince your friends that it is delivery. See how that goes over.
70. Cut corn tortillas into wedges and deep fry them, then tell everyone you figured out a great new snack.
71. Start several blogs and abandon them all.
72. Revel in your own body odor.
73. Pee on your own shoes, then convince yourself you’re going to die from that.
74. Learn a foreign language out of spite. Use it to learn what they’re saying about you.
75. Drive a cheap and horrible car that reeks of fuel, stale cigarettes and Drakar Noir.
76. Eat: A really poor quality bagel.
77. Jump off the Empire State Building for the endorphins.
78. Swim with the jellyfish, the gentle songbirds of the sea.
79. Get: Hepatitis
80. Put all of your plastic belongings in your oven and then yell at your friends when they turn it on and melt everything.
81. Complain about hashtags.
82. See: That factory in China that makes everything.
83. Roll around in the trash at the Mt Everest base camp.
84. Throw a fit about linguistic styles on the internet, including a period after every word for emphasis, the “word” “meh” and that thing where people say “because reasons.”
85. Systematically cut off ties with arbitrary members of your family.
86. Use a close friend’s computer and completely screw up their amazon algorithm by looking up books about child abuse as often as possible.
87. See: A real, live, dodo.
88. Get: A computer virus. A really bad one.
89. Go see lots of movies. Complain about the price of tickets and sigh bitterly before each preview starts.
90. Get one of those cakes shaped like a burger and try to pass it off as an actual burger.
91. Develop a complicated parenting style, and preach it to everyone who is also a parent. You may try organic clothes, but not foods, and lack of discipline in all areas except math homework.
92. Play a hilarious prank on someone where you switch out their water with espresso and see if they notice.
93. Attempt to cultivate your own unique style. Fail and end up wearing the same dirty clothes everywhere you go.
94. Spend decades searching for that one book you really liked as a kid but can’t remember the name of. Find it, read it and be ashamed at what bad taste you had.
95. Eat: So much orange cheesy popcorn that a thick, impenetrable shield of cheese paste forms on your fingers and permanently stains your one good pillowcase and your copy of Sweet Valley High: Elizabeth Lightens Up Already.
96. Realize that if it wasn’t for spell check, you’d be up shit creek.
97. Check into a retirement community at 75, knowing that it’s your best option at this point, really.
98. Meet: That guy who played Spike on Buffy.
99. Complain about your knees.
100. See: That floating pile of garbage that’s as big as Texas.

Morgan’s Soup

Sometimes, I need to spend a lot of time in the kitchen, lovingly crafting a single dish. Tonight is the perfect night for that. The weather is almost beach-like, with cool, wet air blowing through the windows and that odd clean smell Los Angeles gets sometimes.

I miss my old coworkers. We all worked in a kitchen, which had its ups and downs.

Morgan was one of my favorite coworkers. Judgmental and harsh, with unpredictable moods, yet always willing to take time to show coworkers how to do things. He was funny too, and could dish it out as well as he could take it. I miss the bastard.

He made this soup one time, and it was one of those dishes that immediately became one of my most favorite foods. It was rich, and strange and a grouping of flavors I can’t quite put my finger on.

Like all great dishes, this was born out of necessity. We got an extra case of cilantro in, and we had way too many sweet potatoes, and we were long on chicken stock and cooked rice.

I’m making this soup tonight. It doesn’t so much require a recipe as much as a walkthrough:

First, you want to get some cilantro. At least 3-4 bunches of it. Don’t bother with those horrid little clamshells of cilantro they sell at Trader Joe’s. You need a lot. Also, if you’re one of those people who hates the taste of cilantro, click away now. Because this soup is not for you. Clean your cilantro (leave on the twist tie or elastic that holds the bundle together), and roughly chop it into about three or four chunks. Toss the stems in the trash. Put your cilantro in a large container. If you have some parsley, you can use that too, but you really just want cilantro in there.

Cover the cilantro with stock or water. This is a really strongly flavored soup, so I don’t wait until I have stock to make it. If you have stock, use it. If not, water works well. Puree the cilantro and liquid together with an immersion blender until you’re left with a pulpy, green broth. Don’t be afraid to overdo it. The cilantro should be in teeny little pieces.

Cook about a cup of long grain white rice and set aside.

Take some spicy sausage. Tonight I got some generic “hot Italian” which I imagine is about as spicy as a slice of bread, so I’ll be adding some hot pepper flakes. If you can get a really good spicy sausage, use it. The strong spice is welcome in this pot. If you got links, slice them into rounds and brown them in some pig fat or vegetable oil. (Butter will burn, so don’t use that.) You do want a bit of extra fat in this soup, especially if you’re using water instead of stock. All you want to do is color the sausage, not cook it all the way through. This step takes between 5-7 minutes. Remove the sausage and set aside. If you use bulk sausage, make little meatballs. It’d be texturally preferable. Don’t use bulk sausage for this, actually.

Add chopped onion, celery and carrot to the pot and cook, covered over low heat until soft. Let it cook a while. Add a little salt, and some hot pepper flakes. Let it cook slowly, evenly, until everything is tender and smells good. While that’s doing its thing, peel and chop a bunch of sweet potatoes. I used 5 tonight, but they were small. I’d say it was about a pound of sweet potatoes. Set them aside. You can set them next to the rice if you want to. Or by themselves.

Once your mirepoix is all cooked (that’s the carrots, onions and celery) add the sausage and the cilantro broth. Bring to a simmer. If there’s not enough liquid, add more. It’s cool. Whatever.

Let this all cook a while.

About 30 minutes before serving, add the sweet potatoes and the rice.

Right before serving, mix together fresh lime juice, chopped garlic and olive oil. You want this to be a thick condiment. If you’re going to demand numbers, I’d say about a 1/4 cup of chopped garlic, juice of two limes, and about two tablespoons of oil. This condiment is harsh, and rough, but when you stir it into the soup (to taste!) it really brings the whole pot together. Another coworker, Azeh figured it out. She’s from Jordan and said that condiment (made with lemon juice normally) is really common in Jordan. It’s perfect for this soup and this soup is perfect for me. Sweet flavors from the sweet potatoes and onion, sour from the cilantro and lime juice and rich and spicy from the sausage and rice. It’s filling, ultra-cheap and keeps well.

You may be tempted to add raw rice directly to the pot in order to save a step and a dish. Don’t do it. The rice will suck up all your broth, leaving you with a weird, bad casserole. Cook the rice first!

Here’s numbers for those of you who need them.I definitely do when cooking new recipes for the first time. You can play with the ratios a bit if you want.

1 small onion

1 large carrot

2 medium stalks of celery

4 large links of spicy sausage (the spicier the better!)

2 T Pig Fat or Vegetable Oil

3-4 bundles of cilantro

8-12 cups of water or stock

1 lb sweet potatoes

1 cup long-grain white rice (use brown if you’re into that sort of thing. I won’t touch the stuff.)

Juice of two limes

1/4 cup chopped garlic

2 T Olive Oil

Puree cilantro with water. Set aside.

Chop carrots, onions and celery. Set aside.

Cook rice. Set aside.

Melt fat or heat oil in a large pot. Slice your sausage into rounds, then brown in the hot fat. Once brown on both sides, remove from pot and set aside.

Add carrots, onions and celery and cook, covered over low heat for about 20 minutes. If using a weakly-flavored sausage, add hot pepper flakes once everything is cooked.

Peel and chop your sweet potatoes. Make the chunks more or less the same size as the sausage bits.

Add cilantro broth and sausage, and bring to a boil, then lower to a simmer. Let it all cook for around 20-30 minutes.

Add sweet potatoes and rice, and cook for another 20 minutes or until sweet potatoes are cooked through.

Mix up lime juice, garlic and olive oil, serve the soup and pass the condiment around the table.

 

 

 

 

 

Conversation with a coworker

This kid and I are stocking lemons and limes at my store. I decide to chat, because sometimes meaningless chatter makes me enjoy my day a bit more.

I’ll call him Oso, because he’s Mexican and the size of a Grizzly.

I ask Oso what sort of music he listens to.

“I like Led Zepplin, you know? They’re my most favorite band.”

“Oh yeah? Got a tattoo?”

“Nah, bro, I was gonna get one, but you know, like everyone has one now, so I decided not to. What about you, you got any tattoos?”

“Nope.”

“Oh. Do you believe in tattoos?”

“Well, I believe they exist,” I said. “I like tattoos, I like looking at them, but I won’t ever get one. I feel the same way about dogs. Dogs are great but I’ll probably never own one.”

“No dogs, bro?” He shakes his head and asks “what about kids?”

“No,” I say, “no kids, no dogs. All I want is a cat and a plane ticket somewhere.”

“A plane ticket?” he asks. “Like…to Seattle?”

Yes, Oso. To Seattle.

Kimchi Time!

I didn’t say I was never going to write about Korean food again, and I am out of kimchi, so now seems as good of time as any to talk about the stuff, and actually put up a recipe.

When defining kimchi, it’s easiest to say that it is a type of pickled vegetable. Westerners tend to think of pickles as containing vinegar, but a pickle is technically a food product preserved with salt. Sauerkraut is a pickle, corned beef is a pickle, and so are umeboshi, (Japanese salty plums.) Traditional pickles are still made with salt, not vinegar. The combination of salt and time create lactic acid, giving us a preserved product that tastes acidic and delicious. For a fantastic example of a salt-pickle, try Bubbie’s products. The pickles and sauerkraut are made using salt and spices, and they are outstanding. I only wish Bubbie’s was compensating me for saying such things.

Kimchi started out the way many fantastic foods of the world did. An abundant harvest combined with long winters meant that food had to last. Korea has extremely bitter winters. A large batch of kimchi would last over the worst part of winter and keep a family fed. Historians learned that kimchi was made long before hot peppers ever showed up in Korea, something we might want to brush off as an obvious fact. But the word “kimchi” conjures up images of a fiery side dish, glowing red. Koreans love their hot peppers so much that hot pepper paste, hot pepper flakes and spicy kimchi are three main staples in every Korean household.

The real fact of the matter is that there are as many types of kimchi as can be imagined. When I was in Seoul, I saw giant deli counters selling nothing but different kinds of kimchi. I thought I would include a list of the most popular types of kimchi, based on my own research. I go to many different Korean grocery stores and restaurants and have encountered most of these on an average basis.

• Paechu Kimchi: This is archetypal kimchi, the napa cabbage kind. There are many varities here, but it’s the most common and the most versatile. You can cook with it, eat it cold, eat it fresh, eat it when it’s been sitting around forever, put it on sandwiches, eat it with rice, whatever. It’s usually mildly spicy, with more of a sour tang and fizz from the fermentation process. Garlic is common here, and most varieties are not vegetarian. Fish sauce, salty shrimps, raw oysters and squids are all common in this variety.
• Dongchimi: This kimchi is made from whole Korean radishes that have been rubbed with salt and soaked in water for a few weeks. The radishes to use here are about the size of your hand. Big ones will not do here. I love this stuff. It’s sweet and refreshing, as it’s often served in the water. This is a “mul kimchi,” which just means “water kimchi.” It makes a great summer noodle dish; dongchimi guksu is what it’s called and if you see it somewhere, order it.
• Kkakdugi: This is a spicy red radish kimchi. You’ve probably had it in restaurants. I personally don’t really care for this stuff. I’ve had some really good versions, but this usually has a funk to it that is too much for me. It is extremely popular and very common. Even the most poorly stocked Korean market will carry this stuff.
• Yeolmu Kimchi: This is young summer radish kimchi. It’s normally served in water too, in which case it’s called Yeolmu Mul kimchi. It’s iron-y tasting, and I like it with sliced peppers and paper thin shreds of ginger. It’s perfect for sandwiches, and goes especially well with German Sausages. Yeolmu are pencil thin radishes; if it helps you to picture them, the best ones resemble rat tails. I’ve made kimchi with the fatter yeolmu before, but I cut them in half lengthwise to facilitate fermentation. This kimchi is made with the whole plant, roots, stems and leaves.

There are thousands of other types. The new trend in Korea is to make anything into kimchi, from persimmons to raw winter squash. I don’t find these to be any less legitimate then traditional varieties. I welcome the change if it means I get a tasty pickle with my dinner.

Onto the recipe:

1/4 Cup Sweet Rice Flour

1 1/2 Cups Water

2 T Sugar

1/4 Cup Fish Sauce

1/4 Cup Salty Shrimps

1 1/4 Cups Hot Pepper Flakes

1 Bundle Nira

1 Bundle Green Onions

1 Medium Yellow Onion

1/2 Cup Pulverized Garlic

1 Medium Napa Cabbage

Salt, loads of it.

Now the steps:

I like to start with making the porridge for the paste that is spread onto the cabbage. Most people start with salting the cabbage first because it has to sit for a long time. A while ago I was making kimchi on a regular basis, and I discovered that I always started with salting the cabbage, then made the porridge and by the time the cabbage was ready, the porridge would still be hot. So I start the porridge first and let it sit in the fridge while I do everything else. So, let’s look at the ingredients first.

From Right to Left: Green Onions, Nira, Tiny Yellow Onions and Ginger

One Gorgeous Napa Cabbage

Sweet Rice Flour and Hot Pepper Flakes.
Mochiko Rice flour is used in all sorts of Asian countries. You should be able to find this in any Asian market. For the hot pepper flakes, use the ones labeled “Coarse.” Fine won’t work here.

Salty Shrimps and Peeled and bagged garlic. Always use fresh garlic for Kimchi. Frozen or jarred won’t do here. Garlic is the number two flavor component here and you need it to be pungent and strong. We’ll get to the Salty Shrimps in a minute.

I have yet to find a Korean Sea Salt that comes in a reclosable bag. I would pay at least two dollars more per bag for a damn zipper-lock, but for now I just use a binder clip. This is labeled “Fine.” It isn’t actually fine, it’s pretty coarse, but Korean Coarse Sea Salt is like, rock sized. So get “fine.” You can also use Kosher salt to great effect.

This is a Thai fish sauce. For extra authenticity, you can use Korean Anchovy Sauce.

Alright, let’s make the Porridge. Take your rice flour and put it in a saucepan. Use the smallest one you can get away with. Whisk in your water. For best results, dribble in about a third of the water and whisk the rice flour into it until you have a thick paste. Whack the sides of the pan with your hands to loosen any powdery bits.

Go slow, avoid lumps. Advice for kimchi and for life.

Whisked to a paste.

Rest of the water added in.

Once you add the rest of the water, set your pan on the stove and get your two tablespoons of sugar ready. Also measure out your fish sauce and salty shrimps. I put them in the same container, fish sauce first, salty shrimps next by displacement.

What are salty shrimps? They are tiny, salt cured shrimps, left whole and packed in their own oozed out liquid. They’re pretty gross when confronted with a whole jar of them. And they do smell pretty bad. But they lend a really rich and savory flavor to certain dishes and the fact that they are already fermented aids the fermentation of the kimchi rather nicely. The upsides to salty shrimps are twofold: They keep forever in the fridge (and the smell doesn’t escape the jar) and they more or less dissolve when mixed into foods. You won’t have to see their tiny eyes once your meals are done. Hopefully I can get some other uses posted soon.

Salty Shrimps or Sae oo jot. They’re good, I swear.

Now bring your porridge to a boil. Stir it constantly and don’t walk away. It thickens incredibly fast. Once it’s thick and fully cooked, add the sugar, fish sauce and shrimps. Scrape it into a bowl and stick it in the fridge to cool.

Thickened porridge, ready for sugar.

The porridge is less than glorious at this point. Here I’ve added the fish sauce and shrimps. Brown Sludge, essentially.

Once the porridge is done, you can start in on the cabbage.

The easiest way to split a cabbage in half is to start at the core. Insert your knife into the center of the core, then slice firmly down.

Be Bold.

Flip the cabbage over, then follow the line you just made and cut straight down again. Note I am not all the way up the cabbage.

Once you reach this point, grab the base and pull the halves apart. You’ll end up with intact upper leaves which makes for easier handling.

Gorgeous. Salt these halves with a generous hand.

How much salt to use? Lots. I’ve never measured how much salt I use, but judging from my ramekin of salt, I would say it’s about half a cup. Have plenty of salt on hand. I have never seen anyone condone the use of table salt for this kind of food. I would really urge you to use a coarse salt, one with large surface area and craggy crystals. These penetrate the cell structure better and help draw out more liquid. Sea Salt and Kosher Salt taste nice too, whereas iodized table salt can taste a little funky. Don’t use table salt.

You’ll want to use a large bowl for your cabbages to salt in. You can use any large, non-metal container. My kimchi bowl is perhaps a little large for the small batches I’m making now, but I have it so I will use it.

This bowl was also three dollars and enormous, so no judging.

The place you want to get the salt is down on the thick part of the stem and the core. Start by pulling gently on the outer layers of cabbage, then drop the salt in. You definitely want to salt the whole leaf, but the core and stem are the most important.

The leaves stay put when you pull them out. This part is pretty simple.

Once the cabbage is salted, leave it cut-side down in the bowl. Press the leaves back together. Be gentle.

Salt the outside too, just lightly.
Now go wait for two hours. Play with the cat or something.

After two hours, flip the cabbages. Notice the water pooling in the tub. That’s a good sign.

Cut your onion in half, peel it and cut it into rough chunks.

Peel about a two inch knob of ginger, and cut it into chunks as well.

Here I have tossed my onion and ginger in with my pulverized garlic.

Everything has been well blended. If you have an immersion blender, you can toss your onion, garlic and ginger in a tall container and puree it with the immersion blender. Either way, you’re going to get an eyeful of onion smell, so be prepared.

If you don’t have a mechanical chopping device, you can grate everything on a cheese grater.

Then go buy an immersion blender.

Add the hot pepper flakes. These will stiffen up the porridge quite a bit.

Chop your buchu into 1″ lengths. Green onions too.

Stir it all in together. I’ve switched from a whisk to a spatula. The onions will just fly everywhere.

After four hours (Okay, 5. I got distracted) the cabbage will be very flexible and soft. The core will be tender at this point.

Now comes the most important part.

You must rinse the cabbage, rinse it really well. The number one complaint on kimchi recipes online is that the kimchi is too salty. You can’t fix it once you’ve got the paste on and it’s fermented. So rinse it well at this stage.

You can check the salt level very easily.

Taste it, do it now.

If it’s too salty at this point, rinse the cabbage again.

Flop the leaves back and start adding the paste.

I’ve decided to spread the paste in the container I’m going to store it in. You can use the bowl if you want. This process is messy.

 

All paste slathered on. It’s a little messy at this point.

Finished!

Once you’ve done all this, pop the lid on your container and let it sit out overnight to ferment. You can do up to two days, but I wouldn’t go beyond that.

This kimchi keeps for up to 6 months before becoming scary.

An easier and faster method is to chop the cabbage into bite-sized chunks. You can then cut the salting time in half and just stir the paste into the chunks. Kimchi made this way has a drastically reduced shelf life and is best consumed within 6 weeks.

You can eat kimchi in any number of ways. Try it on a burger, or with some steamed dumplings.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A rebirth

I’ve decided to change the focus of this blog. I could make something up, but the truth of it is, I just don’t have enough to say about Korean cooking to keep it interesting. I also realized that I am missing out on a grand opportunity, one of exploration and discovery.

I moved to Los Angeles about six months ago along with my boyfriend, the lifelong Oregonian. When researching the city, I kept seeing one word: Diversity. (Surprisingly, LA doesn’t even make the top ten list of Most Diverse Cities in America.) But the diversity here is really stunning, especially when one comes from the Great White North. Ethnic neighborhoods make up the city of Los Angeles. I live in Koreatown. I work in the unofficial neighborhood of Little Moscow. My coworkers live in Thai Town and Little Armenia. Chinatown is just north east of here. It’s mostly Vietnamese now. On my way home I pass through a Jewish district. That district bleeds into Little Ethiopia. East of my apartment are all the Hispanic markets. If I walk south, I get fresh tortillas and paletas. If I walk west, I get mandu and kimchi stew. On my way home from my least favorite grocery store in the world, I stopped at a Seafood Market. Turns out it’s a Filipino grocery.

It occured to me in that shop that I don’t know anything about Filipino food. And I know shamefully little about Latino cooking, even though I almost always will say yes to eating at any Central American restaurant. Now that I have the opportunity to get hard to find ingredients like coconut vinegar and tortillas made with cactus pads, I want to show what I have learned, document the meals I make and the things I have learned about them.

I like cooking lots of different foods, and learning about them. I like project food. Stocks that take all day. Things that involve marinating, resting, careful handling. I also like quick meals, flavorful and easy dishes that I can hammer together when I am tired. The other night I made Thai Oxtail soup. Last night I did up a batch of cevice. Tonight I will fry tilapia. I do these things, even though I don’t really know how. I don’t always know what I am looking for. And I like that challenge. This challenge is what prompted me to do Meatless Mondays. I don’t know the first thing about quality vegetarian meal planning, so I am learning that too. For the same reason, I signed up for a CSA. I thought getting a surprise box of produce would not only allow more vegetables in my diet, it would challenge me to cook with ingredients I didn’t know about beforehand.

As I learn more about different cultures and their foods, I want to share what I have learned. I will keep the name, Waygookin Cooking, because I am a foreigner. In my home country, I am an outsider, someone who doesn’t fit in around here. I think the name still fits, even if I do not.

 

Keepin’ it clean

Food safety is paramount. Very few cooking blogs I read address the simple steps you can take in your own kitchen to prevent sickness and waste.

My very first job upon moving to Los Angeles was at a place that did not give one whit about food safety. We weren’t even supplied hand washing sinks when we did offsite jobs. The situation was so bad that I quit after a month and a half. This job however, showed me that food safety is not only critical, it’s actually pretty easy.

Food safety in the home is quite a bit different than in restaurants. You are more likely to poison yourself, rather than a restaurant kitchen down the street doing you in.

Here are some of the steps I take towards keeping my kitchen safe:

1. I always handle raw meat with one hand only. By keeping my left hand meaty and my right hand clean, I am able to properly season my food without risking cross contamination. I keep my salt in a ramekin, and having one clean hand ensures my salt stays untainted. I am able to use a method the Koreans employ in mixing food which is to simply plunge your hand into the bowl and rub (for example) marinade on a meat or dressing on a salad, and I don’t leave gross hand prints everywhere. Familiarizing yourself with your knives is essential for this to work for you. Make sure you are only gripping your knife by the handle (many people like to grab the knife at the tang and this can dirty your hands) and always cut away from your body. You can then use your clean hand to turn on the tap or grab some foil or plastic baggies, whatever you need to do. I find many meats are impossible to get out of the package one-handed, so I turn on my hot water, then get the meat out of the bag and on the cutting board, then wash up. I am able to continue one handed at this point.

2. Cooling your food down. We are a household of two, but I cook for four most nights, using leftovers for lunches. Many Korean dishes are made per person, so you shouldn’t end up with too many leftovers, but if you cook too much rice or soup, it’s a good idea to get it cold quickly. If you want to be a super-safe overachiever, you can get a two inch deep half hotel pan and pour your soup into that, thus increasing the surface area and cooling it down very fast. You can even take it one step further, creating your own ice wands out of leftover water bottles.

What you can do instead is simply allow your soup to cool to room temperature (leave the lid off) then cover and put it in your fridge. This is the method recommended by most departments of health and it is the most effective for home use. In professional kitchens, the hotel pan and ice wand method is employed because the batches are so large that cooling to room temperature would be unsafe. Also, home refrigerators aren’t strong enough to cool a huge batch of soup or sauce. Instead of cooling your food, you’re heating your fridge. Let it cool first.

3. Cross contamination. Clean your cutting boards. It takes only a moment to wash raw meat or vegetable dirt off your boards. I am not going to weigh in on the wood VS plastic debate. There is good evidence for both staying relatively bacteria-free after proper washing, so pick what you prefer. Just don’t get glass cutting boards. I don’t know who invented those, but they are the worst. Make sure you clean your knives in between cutting meats and veggies. And one very important tip that gets overlooked is: Don’t taste something from a jar and then use that same spoon in the jar. Your disgusting mouth bacteria will accelerate the rate at which your food spoils. It’s fine to use one spoon for tasting your hot soup while you’re cooking. The heat will keep everything nice and safe. But don’t put the spoon back in the sour cream or pickles after sticking it in your mouth. And don’t drink out of the goddamned milk carton while we’re at it.

4. It’s worth your money to get a thermometer. If you have a hundred bucks to spend on such a thing, the Thermapen is a great buy. I use a twenty dollar model that works for most cases, but only goes up to about 250 degrees, so it’s no good for frying. The Thermapen has a crazy range and it’s splash-proof. Buy whatever model you like, but I strongly recommend purchasing one with a thin point. My Comark has a point about the diameter of a toothpick, so it doesn’t leave a bunch of pencil-sized holes in my roast. I love that feature. It also turns off by itself, and the cap can be attached at the other end, extending the handle. Most Korean meat dishes use small bits or thin cuts of meat, ones whose doneness can be assessed visually. But I imagine you won’t eat exclusively Korean food forever and if you like roasts, steaks, or chops, having a thermometer is a must.

5. Keep your sink and your sponges clean. Many people recommend microwaving your sponges. I read once about a woman doing that and having her sponge catch fire and exploding and also I don’t own a microwave, so I boil mine every now and then for about 5 minutes. A sponge can be a gross little bacteria factory, so it’s a good idea to make sure it’s clean, and squeeze it mostly dry when you’re done washing. Don’t put raw meat in your sink. Don’t rinse meat either. It doesn’t really do anything, and splashing water out of the sink and onto your meat can contaminate it. You can thaw meat in two ways, in the refrigerator overnight (put it in a bowl, because it will leak and ruin your night) or in the sink, still wrapped up well with running water. My boyfriend rigged a great little system where he puts an upside down spoon or fork over the drain, then sets the pot on top of that, puts the meat in and turns the water on. That way the water flows down the drain instead of down the counter and on the floor.

Lastly, wash your hands often. You can do gloves, but unless you handle loads of raw hot peppers, I don’t really see a reason for gloves in the kitchen. Raw meat washes off. Hot pepper oil does not.

Stay safe. It’s pretty easy to do.